i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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