Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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