I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hippo gnu deer
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
