How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
