Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
