Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
