some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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