I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
