saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize