The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
