T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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