And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
