I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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