He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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