You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
