He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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