Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
