I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
True strength comes from lack of pants
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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