So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
