We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
