I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
