Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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