the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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