mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
