I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
