why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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