help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
