i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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