if i can run in heels then i can drive
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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