Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize