Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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