Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
