My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize