What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
