you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
