it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
