she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
