how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
