Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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