So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
