Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
