Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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