The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
