She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
