The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
