She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
