My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
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I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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