you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
