i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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