It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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