so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
