i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
