I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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