Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
