I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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