Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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