Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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