apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
