PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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