dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
