Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The air was thick with penises
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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