It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
