glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
