she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
