I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
