No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
