No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
