mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
