Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
