I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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