Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
