i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The best revenge is premature balding
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
