How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
