No I am not eating basil off your cock
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
