if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
