Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
