Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
