and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
